A Letter to Sun Life Assurance Company of Canada
Dear Sun Life Insurance Company,
I am writing to ask that you consider adding prescription eye goggles to your extended health care plan. My bi-weekly swimming escapade would be much more fun if you'd give me the money to buy a pair.
You see, I am blind as a bat without my glasses. I tragically cannot gauge the hotness of any potentially-groovy male lifeguards due to these unfortunate circumstances, much less gauge if they are even a dude or dudette in the first place.
Speaking of me being deprived of my ability to judge hotness in aquatic situations without your immediate intervention, I furthermore cannot look at the nice bum of the guy in front of me doing breaststroke if I am blinded not only once by the hand of Mendel's genetic heresy, but a second time by the hand of the God of chlorine now, can I? Would that be Poseidon or someone else?
Speaking of Mendel, well what can I say. He was a pretty boring guy. A monk that hung out with pee pods. Seriously. I can't say anything fun about him.
But let's come back to our sheep now, shall we? You see, if you added these goggles to your plan, stupid guys would no longer be able to say that they mistook my ass for the pool wall when they grabbed it while I am resting on the edge of the pool between laps.
All of the above plus the fact that I'm sick and tired of getting concussions from bashing into the wall while attempting to copycat speed swimmers' backstroke laps (Okay, I see the flags. Now how many strokes until I need to do a flip turn? Six, seven? Eight? Nine? BAM! I guess it was eight.) I mean how many semi-private hospital rooms do you want to pay for before you give me a nice pair of goggles?
Please pardon the scatter-brainedness-ness of this letter. I hope this gives you a few laughs before it is relegated to the shredding box.
Thanking you in advance for your consideration,
J.C.Q.
I am writing to ask that you consider adding prescription eye goggles to your extended health care plan. My bi-weekly swimming escapade would be much more fun if you'd give me the money to buy a pair.
You see, I am blind as a bat without my glasses. I tragically cannot gauge the hotness of any potentially-groovy male lifeguards due to these unfortunate circumstances, much less gauge if they are even a dude or dudette in the first place.
Speaking of me being deprived of my ability to judge hotness in aquatic situations without your immediate intervention, I furthermore cannot look at the nice bum of the guy in front of me doing breaststroke if I am blinded not only once by the hand of Mendel's genetic heresy, but a second time by the hand of the God of chlorine now, can I? Would that be Poseidon or someone else?
Speaking of Mendel, well what can I say. He was a pretty boring guy. A monk that hung out with pee pods. Seriously. I can't say anything fun about him.
But let's come back to our sheep now, shall we? You see, if you added these goggles to your plan, stupid guys would no longer be able to say that they mistook my ass for the pool wall when they grabbed it while I am resting on the edge of the pool between laps.
All of the above plus the fact that I'm sick and tired of getting concussions from bashing into the wall while attempting to copycat speed swimmers' backstroke laps (Okay, I see the flags. Now how many strokes until I need to do a flip turn? Six, seven? Eight? Nine? BAM! I guess it was eight.) I mean how many semi-private hospital rooms do you want to pay for before you give me a nice pair of goggles?
Please pardon the scatter-brainedness-ness of this letter. I hope this gives you a few laughs before it is relegated to the shredding box.
Thanking you in advance for your consideration,
J.C.Q.
I do hope you actually sent the letter.
Posted by
Tamara |
11:27 AM
Are you actually swimming or just checking out the hotties? You realize those are two completely different workouts...Watching hotties does burn calories...be sure to include that in your total of burnt calories for the day.
Bran
Posted by
Anonymous |
4:04 PM
Let's come back to our sheep!! OMG I LOVE IT!!! Laugh out loud funny!!
Heather
Posted by
Anonymous |
4:59 PM