J.C.Q.

Pa: I need to get myself a new rat-tail comb. My old one just ain't the same no more.
J.C.Q.: Don't worry pa. B.A.Q. and I are headed to the Dollarama store! The most amazing ever dollar store that used to only be in Quebec.
B.A.Q.: And don't forget Moose Jaw
J.C.Q.: Until now Hgh and Hellian and I used to take trips out to Moose Jaw just to go to said store!
Pa: Well gosh darnit, if you can find me a ratty-tailed comb for under a buck, pick it up!
J.C.Q.: To Dollarama, B.A.Q.!

[Trip to Dollarama]

Pa: Did ya get me my ratty-tailed comb?
J.C.Q.: Kazaa! Twenty-combs for a buck! Not only did I get you two ratty-tailed combs for under a buck, I got you eighteen additional combs.
B.A.Q.: Not only did we get the combs, we also found questionable Asian rip-offs of traditional American cookies and a Hanson CD each for a buck as well!
Pa: Well Mmmp bop to that! Now off to use my new five-cent comb! Prices haven't been so great since the war years!

Posted by Fishsticks at 20:37 | Permalink | Comments

I am getting more and more discouraged by people's attitudes toward obese persons such as myself. It seems like despite the greater media coverage on our situation, ignorance among a certain segment of the population is increasing.

Here is a typical example of what I could have taken today based on events that have happened to me as of late:
- Turn on the t.v. Some healthy person is ringing out an obese person on t.v. for needing to "get off the couch and get their butt in gear," as if this person is not worthy of human respect and has no self-control.
- Go to the pool. Swim 54 laps. Get out of the pool and hear some girl tell her girlfriend in the lockeroom that "someone of my size should not be walking around the changeroom in just underwear like others do."
- Take the elevator to the third floor of the Classroom building. Get an evil sneer from a woman going to the fourth floor for not taking the stairs. Because I am lazy. Like all fat people are. Because I didn't just swim 54 laps.
- Go get an ice cream cone that I have been dying to have all week and will be a nice treat. Run into friend who says "you know, you shouldn't be eating stuff like that. It's bad for you. You have to resist those temptations." Even though she has no clue that I have been very strict with my eating the rest of the week and this is my little reward.

I hate it. I hate it when people are ignorant. Ignorant of the drastic effect of prescribed medications on the weight of a small segment of the population who reacts differently, such as -- you guessed it -- me. Ignorant that I am not exaggerating the effects of my medications because they supposedly know better than my doctors what effect it has on me and think I'm using it as a stupid excuse. Using everything I eat or drink in front of them during the weekend as a gage of my general behavior and therefore inferring that it is my lifestyle that's causing trouble. Granted, yes, I am not perfect and I could do better and it is partially my eating habits that have gotten me where I am. But I'm still sick of them being: Ignorant because they do NOT know me and therefore don't have the faintest clue what I need to do to lose weight. Ignorant of other medical conditions causing obesity. Ignorant of my obese friends who feel that food is a severe addiction to them and that people treat them like they're "just lazy." Ignorant of what it is like to be obese and live with the consequences of ignorant people such as themselves.

Why can't people just mind their own business? Why do people always have to one-up themselves by putting other people down? Why do they have to take your every move as an example of what you are supposedly perpetually doing. Why can't myself, and other people, such as smokers, be left at peace once in a while?

I guess I am just really discouraged here.

Posted by Fishsticks at 14:02 | Permalink | Comments

1 - One year I lost two litres of blood
1.5 - I looked like a famished anorexic kid growing up
2 - I can make balloon animals. So can Hellian.
3 - I want to be fluent in Cree within three years
4 - My great uncle was an MLA
5 - I would like to be an MLA or MP someday
6 - My dad hired The Who a long time ago to play at his church group party
7 - I have two academic publications
9 - One of my legs is a half-inch shorter than the other
10 - I have helped save the lives of at least two people that I know of
11 - My brother has single-handedly saved the lives of at least two people that I know of
12 - I used to teach at a computer camp
13 - I used to play competitive bridge
14 - I used to be a lifeguard and swimming instructor
15 - I have never taken a puff of a cigarette
16 - I love tofu
17 - I love every single academic subject and have thought about majoring in pretty much anything you can think of
18 - I seriously considered being a lawyer, doctor, financial planner, stock broker, or woodworker after I graduated from arts.
19 - I used to be on the math team in high school
20 - I get to judge a science fair tomorrow!
22 - B.A.Q. has written a book that was on the bestselling list at McNally Robinson in Saskatoon. Yes I am way too proud of him.
23 - B.A.Q. knew more about politics at age 10 than I do now. This is not a joke.
24 - My dad was an all-star quarterback on his college football team. I am an all-star failure.
25 - When my mom took her B.A. women in her field were barely heard of
26 - I won a provincial acting award in 1999 for best supporting actress
27 - Myself and The Girls went to provincial volleyball tournaments!
28 - I considered getting all my teeth removed at age 14 so I could continue playing the clarinet because my teachers thought I had a lot of potential but my teeth wore down and it started hurting when I played
29 - I sometimes have trouble expressing myself in English as opposed to French.

Posted by Fishsticks at 21:49 | Permalink | Comments

I have talked before about how stupid it is to have a gazillion business cards in your wallet that you often give out to friends and acquaintances rather than potential clients.

Now I have come up with a list of better business-card-sized goodies to carry in your purse or wallet that would be much, much more practical and frequently used and will save you from long pointless conversations:

A card that says:
"I am so happy you understand my life better than I do. You are so much smarter and more competent than myself and others. Since I am so ignorant, I will put you on the Board to be President of "How (your name here) should run his/her life" for the following term."

For when you are ordering breakfast at a fast food chain:
"If you don't give me my Egg McMuffin meal within two minutes flat I will throw
back the coffee at you and you will be third-degree-burned before you have time to take down my license plate number."

For your friend who doesn't understand she should ditch that guy:
"How many times do we have to have this conversation? Please put this card on your mirror to remind yourself that he is and will never be good enough for you!"

A card that says that you're the CEO of some bogus company so that when you're at high-brow reunions where people think you are less of a person because you are an elementary school teacher and not a lawyer or doctor they will get an evil surprise when they phone the number on your card to talk business and it rings through to an answering machine that says "thank you for giving me your phone number so I can harass you at 3 a.m. every Sunday for the next three months for thinking less of me for doing a job that creates all others, including yours you ingrate!"

And last but not least, the following card which you hold up while yelling "waiter/waitron/waitress!" and which explains on the back: "I will chase you down with my butterknife if you don't refill my water soon. Why can't you be more like Viet Thai? I am taking one cent off your tip for each second that goes by from now until my water gets here. I'm watching my watch and I'm watching you. Go you slacker teenager! Go!"

Posted by Fishsticks at 10:45 | Permalink | Comments