Monday, June 27, 2005
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Worst. Work. Ever.
I was googling my name five minutes ago as I had nothing better to do and Life of Turner had made a point of doing so and saying something about everyone else who shared his name. What I came upon was something I wrote in grade 11 that won third place in the Canada day literature contest (like the art contest they have each year). Boy, they must have been hard up for prizes to give out. http://www.snn-rdr.ca/snn/old/june99/june99/hero_jacqueline.html Maybe I should remember this when judging debate kids. You know, when they say that Canada is like their cat and the U.S. is like their dog and the dog has flees and the cat is clawing the dog. Stuff like that. I too once thought all my stupid analogies were brilliant.
Casinos are Good
Top ten reasons why going to Casino Regina is cheaper, more fun, and less risqué than other tame things to do on a week-end:
1) You get free soft drinks instead of paying three bucks at some commercial movie theatre.
2) Paying five bucks for twenty cents worth of popcorn at Galaxy Cinemas is highway robbery, with a net profit of 2500%. That's a lot compared to the 13% profit a Casino makes on a slot machine.
3) Paying $2.67 for a high-end brunch on Sunday is a lot cheaper than going to Hotel Sask and paying fifteen bucks plus tip.
4) Playing a penny machine gives you the same kick as a loonie machine, and will provide you with more hours of entertainment for your money than going to a movie will if you and your friends are sitting around a machine hilariously applauding winning five cents and yelling "come on you dumb penguin! Show up on the fifth real!"
5) Contrary to popular belief, there are many intellectually-stimulating games at the Casino: Poker, BlackJack, Roulette, etc, where keeping track of cards and statistics is very mentally challenging, but, when studied enough, actually does give you an advantage over the house.
6) You can socialize with your friends much more at the Casino than during a movie.
7) Restaurants at Casinos provide excellent service and prices that are much more reasonable than going to crappy Boston Pizza and paying much more for crappy food and crappy service.
8) By owning a Casino Regina card you get free gourmet dinners twice a year, five bucks worth of free tokens every three weeks, which you can cash in right away afterwards and just keep.
9) The food at Casino Regina is not crappy processed food. All homemade.
10) The staff treats you with much more respect and dignity than lower-class joints that overcharge.
And yes, I know they do these to make people feel special and encourage them to lose all their money. But what most people don't realize is that only 3% of the adult population has gambling problems. Three times as many adults are alcoholics. So you tell me which should be made illegal and which one shouldn't be banned because it would rain on the party of those who weren't addicted.
1) You get free soft drinks instead of paying three bucks at some commercial movie theatre.
2) Paying five bucks for twenty cents worth of popcorn at Galaxy Cinemas is highway robbery, with a net profit of 2500%. That's a lot compared to the 13% profit a Casino makes on a slot machine.
3) Paying $2.67 for a high-end brunch on Sunday is a lot cheaper than going to Hotel Sask and paying fifteen bucks plus tip.
4) Playing a penny machine gives you the same kick as a loonie machine, and will provide you with more hours of entertainment for your money than going to a movie will if you and your friends are sitting around a machine hilariously applauding winning five cents and yelling "come on you dumb penguin! Show up on the fifth real!"
5) Contrary to popular belief, there are many intellectually-stimulating games at the Casino: Poker, BlackJack, Roulette, etc, where keeping track of cards and statistics is very mentally challenging, but, when studied enough, actually does give you an advantage over the house.
6) You can socialize with your friends much more at the Casino than during a movie.
7) Restaurants at Casinos provide excellent service and prices that are much more reasonable than going to crappy Boston Pizza and paying much more for crappy food and crappy service.
8) By owning a Casino Regina card you get free gourmet dinners twice a year, five bucks worth of free tokens every three weeks, which you can cash in right away afterwards and just keep.
9) The food at Casino Regina is not crappy processed food. All homemade.
10) The staff treats you with much more respect and dignity than lower-class joints that overcharge.
And yes, I know they do these to make people feel special and encourage them to lose all their money. But what most people don't realize is that only 3% of the adult population has gambling problems. Three times as many adults are alcoholics. So you tell me which should be made illegal and which one shouldn't be banned because it would rain on the party of those who weren't addicted.
North Korea
According to CBC, "The Korean People's Army is made up of 1.2 million troops, making it the fourth-largest military in the world. North Korea spends more than 30 per cent of its gross domestic product on its military. About 37,000 of those troops guard the demarcation line between the two Koreas."
Thursday, June 16, 2005
BK and Doritos
To paraphrase Levendis: "To paraphrase Jack Layton, there should be no "back of the bus" solutions in Canada." I'm sick of people that think their views give them the right to manipulate the rights of others, namely denying homosexuals the right to marry.
Speaking of manipulation, I was at Shoppers' Drug Mart today and five big full-of-themselves managers were walking around talking about product placement. They've decided to put the Doritos in two separate places just one metre apart from each other to target more people. One guy called this a "consumer innovation." Maybe every time I move around something in my house I'll smugly proclaim "innovation!" Move around the cans of mushroom soup: "Look Brett! Innovation!" Juxtapose the plants on either side of the Kleenex box -- "Innovation! I better take a nap. Making TWO great discoveries in such a short period of time requires rest." Sounds like a StrongBad e-mail.
I should have told this guy that I thought he merited a Nobel prize for this endeavour, and that they should immediately turn of the musac and put on something like "We are the Champions." Maybe they should just start taping Doritos to lottery tickets or something just to force people to buy them a little bit more.
This Shoppers' sham greatly reminds me of when Levendis and I were ordering an outrageous number of Starwars toys at BK and this manager came up to a new weakling acnied teen employee after he'd filled an order for a Whopper and she said: "You should have asked to make it a Value Meal. Whopper - Do you want a value meal? Right away. Push, push, push (hand gestures: one fist pounding into the palm of the other hand -- I don't quite know how that relates to pushing, but I guess BK is managing those Whoppers with an iron fist) Every time someone asks for a Whopper, push the Value Meal." To which Levendis replied: "We're right here!" She seemed too stupid to even care.
Speaking of manipulation, I was at Shoppers' Drug Mart today and five big full-of-themselves managers were walking around talking about product placement. They've decided to put the Doritos in two separate places just one metre apart from each other to target more people. One guy called this a "consumer innovation." Maybe every time I move around something in my house I'll smugly proclaim "innovation!" Move around the cans of mushroom soup: "Look Brett! Innovation!" Juxtapose the plants on either side of the Kleenex box -- "Innovation! I better take a nap. Making TWO great discoveries in such a short period of time requires rest." Sounds like a StrongBad e-mail.
I should have told this guy that I thought he merited a Nobel prize for this endeavour, and that they should immediately turn of the musac and put on something like "We are the Champions." Maybe they should just start taping Doritos to lottery tickets or something just to force people to buy them a little bit more.
This Shoppers' sham greatly reminds me of when Levendis and I were ordering an outrageous number of Starwars toys at BK and this manager came up to a new weakling acnied teen employee after he'd filled an order for a Whopper and she said: "You should have asked to make it a Value Meal. Whopper - Do you want a value meal? Right away. Push, push, push (hand gestures: one fist pounding into the palm of the other hand -- I don't quite know how that relates to pushing, but I guess BK is managing those Whoppers with an iron fist) Every time someone asks for a Whopper, push the Value Meal." To which Levendis replied: "We're right here!" She seemed too stupid to even care.
Friday, June 10, 2005
The Cat ate the Bat
So I have been pushed to put titles to my entries. However, I don't feel like spending ten minutes to figure out some Clever Dan title for a post of less than 100 words. So I'll be frank with you. I won't go all out and put titles that are completely unrelated to the material at hand. Well, except for this time. However, I will behave like some kid in grade five that doesn't grasp metaphors and sarcasm and only gives a title that reflects half the post.
Blog Study 1 -- June 2005
Every month I will click on the "Next Blog" button in Blogger until I come across a site which really interests me. This month: http://mysmokymtnhome.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
The Daily Word
I can only think of one word to describe The Daily Word: pure.
Ragging on Airport 3
In today's news: I have a sister.*
*Do YOU think I discovered my sister while drinking from the toilet of an airport, or do you think a flight attendant I'm related to just got engaged?
In solidarity with my brothers and sisters resisting the urge to drink crappy Dasani and instead drink from crappy toilets.
*Do YOU think I discovered my sister while drinking from the toilet of an airport, or do you think a flight attendant I'm related to just got engaged?
In solidarity with my brothers and sisters resisting the urge to drink crappy Dasani and instead drink from crappy toilets.
Canadian Non-Politicians
I cannot believe today's state of those I will call "the Canadian non-politicians." My heart sinks whenever I hear someone say that they are dismayed at our country's leaders and will never vote again. How blindsighted are they? Not the politicians, the non-politicians. Are they just too ignorant to understand media's influence on what is broadcasted, or spoiled brats that think that wherever you go in the world you're born with a silver spoon in your mouth, and a unconditional life's supply of voting vouchers? I'm preaching to the converted, I know. And what I don't know is how to get through to the others anymore.
Friday, June 03, 2005
Baleted, Mosaic
As Strong Bad would say, "BALETED!" Sorry about comments that I accidentally erased during the reconfiguration.
Mosaic -- for which I am too lazy to find the ASCII equivalent for the "i" with two dots -- is this weekend. Now, I love going to the French pavilion to meet all my chummies and get mad at the chumps that annoyed me in high school. And to the Italian for a merry old time. And Aboriginal Peoples is always worth a see. But I can never figure out the difference between those Eastern European pavilions. The Kyiv Ukranian, Poltava Ukranian, German, Polish, Hungarian, and Austrian all delight me with their perogies, but I can only eat so many.
However, I'm not a historian, so perhaps I'll leave it to Brett or Queen of West Procrastination to supply some hilarious commentary about this situation.
Mosaic -- for which I am too lazy to find the ASCII equivalent for the "i" with two dots -- is this weekend. Now, I love going to the French pavilion to meet all my chummies and get mad at the chumps that annoyed me in high school. And to the Italian for a merry old time. And Aboriginal Peoples is always worth a see. But I can never figure out the difference between those Eastern European pavilions. The Kyiv Ukranian, Poltava Ukranian, German, Polish, Hungarian, and Austrian all delight me with their perogies, but I can only eat so many.
However, I'm not a historian, so perhaps I'll leave it to Brett or Queen of West Procrastination to supply some hilarious commentary about this situation.
About me
- I'm Fishsticks
- From Belgium
-
I am a Francophone that is a strong supporter of
General T. Foolerys mission. I use this blog
to post about rien du tout or je-ne-sais-quoi
ici et là. Theres nothing derisive or divisive here.
No no, that takes too much effort. I try to post
hebdomadarily. It rarely works given my slackedness.
Unfortunately, my sidekick B.A.Q., an Anglophone, sometimes adds lackadaisical posts to this site, including tales of two nations warring within the bosom of one house. I apologize for this not-so-hilarious inconvenience. It does not happen frequently.
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