How to Annoy your Family's Garage Sale's Visitors
1 - Have your kids design your signs. Yeah, I know you want to get them involved, but it is very annoying when you rear-end someone who is trying to read the miniscule writing that, oftentimes, isn't legible despite its small size in the first place! The only excuse for this: if you happen to be a grandparent that can't read what your grandchild writes because you are nearly blind. But even if this is the case, there are no excuses for #2, which invariably accompanies #1.
2 - Put all your signs in insanely dumb places. Like on the corner past where you are supposed to turn. Better yet, put up one sign only and leave the driver to find their way through a maze of streets in your district by having to pull out a map of Regina for the first time in a decade.
3 - Sell stuff for a higher price than what you can get for a similar brand new item at Wal-Mart. Apparently some visitors will actually believe a ten year old electric kettle should go for ten bucks. Which brings me to the next point.
4 - If it's more than thirty years old, make sure to price it at least at five bucks. Older women are especially good at believing that people would pay twelve bucks for some part of a Commodore 64.
5 - Sell stuff that you yourself wouldn't even buy if someone paid you. I've even seen someone selling plastic bags and ice cream pails. Similarly, if Value Village wouldn't even take your item, why would anyone pay two bucks for a pair of holey shoes from the eighties?!
6 - Try to pawn off useless junk on people so you can "Make it Big." The dollars sure add up when you are selling your child's old, stained baby clothes!
7 - Sell pop, coffee, or lemonade at 400% profit. People love paying a buck for a can of President's choice cola if your five year-old asks them.
8 - Sell things that you got for free. You never know who is willing to pay a buck for that Z99 "mugged" mug.
9 - Price your items in a completely irrational manner. After all, why wouldn't someone think that your family's Royal Albert China teapot is worth less than a ball of hot pink yarn?
10 - Sell stuff that should have been thrown out last year for five cents instead. I mean, come on, what's with people keeping things I would have not thought twice about trashing? Remind me to hoard those mouldy Tupperware items to make enough to buy a blue whale at 7-11. I guess this scenario enables both me and the buyer to die from some kind of horrible food-related germ.
2 - Put all your signs in insanely dumb places. Like on the corner past where you are supposed to turn. Better yet, put up one sign only and leave the driver to find their way through a maze of streets in your district by having to pull out a map of Regina for the first time in a decade.
3 - Sell stuff for a higher price than what you can get for a similar brand new item at Wal-Mart. Apparently some visitors will actually believe a ten year old electric kettle should go for ten bucks. Which brings me to the next point.
4 - If it's more than thirty years old, make sure to price it at least at five bucks. Older women are especially good at believing that people would pay twelve bucks for some part of a Commodore 64.
5 - Sell stuff that you yourself wouldn't even buy if someone paid you. I've even seen someone selling plastic bags and ice cream pails. Similarly, if Value Village wouldn't even take your item, why would anyone pay two bucks for a pair of holey shoes from the eighties?!
6 - Try to pawn off useless junk on people so you can "Make it Big." The dollars sure add up when you are selling your child's old, stained baby clothes!
7 - Sell pop, coffee, or lemonade at 400% profit. People love paying a buck for a can of President's choice cola if your five year-old asks them.
8 - Sell things that you got for free. You never know who is willing to pay a buck for that Z99 "mugged" mug.
9 - Price your items in a completely irrational manner. After all, why wouldn't someone think that your family's Royal Albert China teapot is worth less than a ball of hot pink yarn?
10 - Sell stuff that should have been thrown out last year for five cents instead. I mean, come on, what's with people keeping things I would have not thought twice about trashing? Remind me to hoard those mouldy Tupperware items to make enough to buy a blue whale at 7-11. I guess this scenario enables both me and the buyer to die from some kind of horrible food-related germ.
Man! You're making me miss Regina! All these fabulous fireworks, and garage saling! Okay, so there are acres of garage sales in Victoria (including two on our street since we moved here). But the glorious part is always when they price a Royal Albert teapot at cheaper than wool. Bring on the crazy, when they do that! It drives me crazy when they try to price things closer to their real antique value. I'm here to notice that it's valuable, and then act non-chalant about it, maybe pick up some other junk, so you won't realise that it's worth more than 50 cents.
The best part about Victoria? Everyone gets rid of things, if they don't feel like having a garage sale, by placing them on their lawn with a sign that says "Free". Chris always wants to stop and get free stuff.
I'm such a big dork.
Posted by
Queen of West Procrastination |
3:22 PM
While doing the garage sale circuit keep your eyes open for a decent couch. Mine is not only incredibally worn out, but it also hates me. It attacked me while moving in on Monday. I now have a scrap across my shoulder from the wire sticking out the side, a scrape on my knee from the bolt where the leg fell off, and a bruise on my collarbone from some un-padded piece of wood. I'm currently not talking to nor sitting on it till it apologizes.
So . . . Does anyone have a couch?
-Helen
Posted by
Anonymous |
9:20 PM
Hey J, where'd you go? I'm really beginning to miss your posts. Come back wherever you are!!!
Posted by
Anonymous |
8:23 AM