Can I Please Punch a Cathedral Village Hippie?
Today I think I will talk about why Cathedral Village sucks. I hope that Gip, a friend living in this area, stays ignorant as to me having a blog. Okay, but seriously, I feel obliged to point out that this is all in jest. So take it with a grain of salt, as I do enjoy the area but am just trying to be funny and have ran out of ways of doing so without being offensive.
So here are the ten dumbest things about Cathedral:
1 - Many Cathedralians hate the Catholic Church for its views on gay mariage, women's rights, and contraception. But the place they are living in is named after a Catholic Cathedral. Ha, take that you hippies!
2 - Safeway overprices everything in its Cathedral store because it has a monopoly. But I don't see people in Cathedral all heading across the street on their bikes in protest to go to Eat Healthy Foods to buy everything, do you?
3 - The nun's convent. I needn't be redundant; please refer to #1.
4 - Cathedral Village Freehouse. Since when are overpriced ripoffs of traditional dishes from other countries cool, or should I say kosher? I mean, come on.
5 - The Running Room. Now everyone needs to belong to a corporation in order to partake in their super-happy daily jogs. And remember, you can't be seen without the latest pair of New Balance shoes. I have a better idea. Instead of punching a Cathedral Hippie, I will punch John Stanton. If I can catch up to him.
6 - That shop where you can get shirts made with Rainbow Bright, My Little Pony, and other kids' shows. Now don't get me wrong! I love these shirts. But aren't Cathedral people opposed to shows that they deem to be evil marketing tools sucking on children's creativity and that this will result in them being emotionally unsound for the rest of their lives?
7 - The Red Meat Wagon. Free Range? Organic? Uhhh...
8 - Burns and Hanley, the only Catholic gift shoppe in town. It lies on the Cathedral Village Festival pathway. Once again, please refer to #1.
9 - I am always getting run over by cars in this area. I tried to ride my bike. I really did. But I nearly took it instead of my overpriced Chai Tea Latté. Okay, so maybe that's not the fault of Cathedral people. But someone is going to totally pay for my Chai Tea Latté from that place near Viet-Thai.
10 - You can buy a Slurpee (or the no-name brand) in so many places. Aren't Slurpees not only bad for your body, but for society in general? Their excess sweet syrup mix is what oils the wheels of Capitalism.
And now I depart. I am to meet my friends at the Freehouse in exactly half an hour. But next time drive my S.U.V. to Church at the Cathedral in my sweatshop clothes drinking from a 2 litre box of Loblaws milk, I don't want any flack!
So here are the ten dumbest things about Cathedral:
1 - Many Cathedralians hate the Catholic Church for its views on gay mariage, women's rights, and contraception. But the place they are living in is named after a Catholic Cathedral. Ha, take that you hippies!
2 - Safeway overprices everything in its Cathedral store because it has a monopoly. But I don't see people in Cathedral all heading across the street on their bikes in protest to go to Eat Healthy Foods to buy everything, do you?
3 - The nun's convent. I needn't be redundant; please refer to #1.
4 - Cathedral Village Freehouse. Since when are overpriced ripoffs of traditional dishes from other countries cool, or should I say kosher? I mean, come on.
5 - The Running Room. Now everyone needs to belong to a corporation in order to partake in their super-happy daily jogs. And remember, you can't be seen without the latest pair of New Balance shoes. I have a better idea. Instead of punching a Cathedral Hippie, I will punch John Stanton. If I can catch up to him.
6 - That shop where you can get shirts made with Rainbow Bright, My Little Pony, and other kids' shows. Now don't get me wrong! I love these shirts. But aren't Cathedral people opposed to shows that they deem to be evil marketing tools sucking on children's creativity and that this will result in them being emotionally unsound for the rest of their lives?
7 - The Red Meat Wagon. Free Range? Organic? Uhhh...
8 - Burns and Hanley, the only Catholic gift shoppe in town. It lies on the Cathedral Village Festival pathway. Once again, please refer to #1.
9 - I am always getting run over by cars in this area. I tried to ride my bike. I really did. But I nearly took it instead of my overpriced Chai Tea Latté. Okay, so maybe that's not the fault of Cathedral people. But someone is going to totally pay for my Chai Tea Latté from that place near Viet-Thai.
10 - You can buy a Slurpee (or the no-name brand) in so many places. Aren't Slurpees not only bad for your body, but for society in general? Their excess sweet syrup mix is what oils the wheels of Capitalism.
And now I depart. I am to meet my friends at the Freehouse in exactly half an hour. But next time drive my S.U.V. to Church at the Cathedral in my sweatshop clothes drinking from a 2 litre box of Loblaws milk, I don't want any flack!
I live in the Cathedral area and I love it...and I know you do too!
And I actually go to Nature's Best instead of Safeway...
STOP DISSING US!!!!!!
You're making me cry.
- Sonia
PS. I still love ya though
Posted by
Anonymous |
5:50 PM
Do you know what's worrying? The only part of that last statement that troubled me was teh "Loblaws milk" part, because they sell Parmalat, which is Beatrice, which is evil. And that's a message from a dairy farmer's granddaughter.
And I'm still sad that Uforia is no longer the awesomest place on earth for buying vintage clothes, and is instead the place where you buy an Astroboy t-shirt. I was one of their first regular customers. And they started carrying little white gloves at my request. It's very sad.
Posted by
Queen of West Procrastination |
9:18 PM
You realize of course that not everyone lives in Cathedral area because they are hippies or anti-corporate. Some of us live there because it's CLOSE TO WORK!
I just have to point out that I have seen JCQ going into Burns and Hanley so I know she can't be dissing the place that wholeheartedly.
Besides, this sounds like a raging case of Cathedral envy. You just wish you had all the cool stuff Cathedral area does. Must suck to be an Albert Park person. Someday you'll MAYBE be cool enough to live in Cathedral. (Just jokes...).
Bran
Posted by
Anonymous |
9:30 AM
Does my family count as hippies? That would be fun :) Cathedral was a nice place to live.
Posted by
Anonymous |
3:37 PM
do they even have loblaws in r-town? the stupid loblaws in ottawa only carries 4L milk in bags. milk in bags angers me to the very core of my being. don't get me started.
oh, and i think that i heard once that the people who owned burns and hanley had a kid who went to write for the simpsons. i think that's awesome and a half.
Posted by
justanothergirl |
10:41 PM
I miss milk in bags, back when they made the bags strong. It was a big deal in my family, and my mom was the last hold-out of the delivery Dairy Producers customers to get the bags. They started phasing them out by making their bags cheaper and flimsier, and then they made that as an excuse to get rid of them: too much difficulties with getting holes in them in the milk trucks.
Liars. Jugs take up so much more room in the fridge, and my mom used to use milk bags as sandwich bags. It created almost no garbage, in our house.
I'm apparently still bitter about milk bags, for the opposite reason as Amanda.
Posted by
Queen of West Procrastination |
3:26 PM